It Is All In the Contra

Sometimes the joy of it all is just knocked out of you. The work you do comes to nothing. Your efforts ceaselessly futile. Your new beginning are robbed of all glamour and fairytale & new life & reinvention & fuck you to the skies and everything else & you are just left there w/ cold brutal reality as your only lonely friend and companion. And he don´t go away. You hide under your blanket, or cycle your bike harder or maybe you just try to slow down a little, but that bastard is always there, and he´s always got your number & no matter how many times you move house or country or pet or girlfriend or bar or whatever f ´ing calamity it is next, he just has you.....locked down....in his sights.....and you are one finger trigger away from what he decides for you.

Yes there´s a clenched jaw, yes there are enough fuck you´s to go around. It is one of those evenings & you are unapologetically venomous and spiteful because there is no apotheosis, no eureka, there is just you & what you got, and what´s more there are too many of you, not just in your own skull, but on the streets, in the dam city. And that is fair enough. No whining is going to do f´all for the population or the president or anyone else. And yes you can keep man-ing up and doing your part and playing your bit but fucking damnation it has all gone to dam hell, and you with it.

So there it is. But it´s not the whole dam story because there is an important place for anger, there is an important place for pro & contra. You know, that Shaekey, he knew a thing or too when he talked about the black bile. You just gotta vent it. You gotta put it out. Because there is a joy in there none the less even when everything is in the shit, when it all is in the contra.

It is the law of path, and just sticking to it with dam gritty bloody minded determination, and if everything has gone down the pan & is for nothing, then fuck it, at least if you are in the cauldron w/ heart then that is something anyway.

So here is a toast to this wonderful and pathetic and unread and beautiful useless blog that serves its place in this personal destiny of things. Thank you for listening to this moan, this groan, this boring self-pitying, purposeless slimy little bit of drivel thrust out into the unknown. You have helped complete me and brought me back to the part that knows there is purpose and path - because even though I know there is not, I know there dam well is....and it doesn´t matter how to nothing you get, it ain´t about needing to believe or know something.....because it just bloody matters that it IS in the first place - yes - that it is.

So here´s to you. This one is on me x